JK Rowling and the Annoying Interviewers
by Megaroni
Summary: REPOSTED. How JKR could answer a few annoying interviewers...


!!!!Author's Note!!!!

This fic is unlike any I've written before. It's kinda zany, and it's not a story. Enjoy, and don't forget to review!!

Also, this fic is being reposted. It was (incorrectly) listed under Author Fics, and now that that category is being nixed, I need to post it here. All the reviews from it ::sob:: have been lost! So please review even more to make up for the 15 that were tragically lost!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all them belong to JK Rowling. JK Rowling, of course, belongs to herself. The stupid interviewers are mine, and I made the questions all by myself, though I'm sure someone has asked them before!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Fame isn't easy. With it comes responsibility: the responsibility to sit through interviews and answer the same questions, over and over again. Thus far, Miss JK Rowling has handled the questions well. Here's what she might answer when(oops, I mean IF...hehe, sure I did) she snaps, or what she could say if she just wanted to spice things up a bit.

Interviewer: Miss Rowling, yours is a true rags-to-riches story. What do you plan to do with your new found wealth?

Possible Answer(from now on, known as PA) #1:

"Well, I plan to lay it on the floor, roll around in it, and throw pound notes into the air as I repeadtedly scream 'I'm rich! I'm bloody rich!'"

PA #2:

"Buy a castle, make it unplottable, and start a wizarding school. *gets weird look from audience* "What, did you think all that was fiction!?"

PA #3:

"I plan to sell all my earthly possessions, donate my money to charity, live as a recluse in Sweden, and never EVER right another word about that dratted Harry Potter. I had just found inner peace when he became a success, and all this attention is ruining my nirvana."

PA #4:

"I plan to spend it all on pulling a 'Warner Brothers.' I'll shut down all unathorized Harry Potter website that butcher my baby! I'll never let fan fiction authors read my books again, they give them too many ideas! And then, get this, I'll buy a rocket, load up all the slashers, and blast them to Uranus!"

PA #5:

Buy a candy factory! Wouldn't it totally rock to buy 'Joanne Rowling's Every Flavor Beans.' Just THINK of the possibilities!"

PA #6:

"Money!? What MONEY! I saw zero dollars! I was told the profit had to go towards paying my agent, the publisher, the illustrator. I wasn't going to see profit until the sixth book! Oh, that's it, I'm getting a lawyer! Bloomsbury, Scholastic, I'm gonna sue the knickers off you!"

Interviewer: Many people say Hermione is based on yourself. Any truth to this?

PA #1

"Urrgh! Don't you listen! You've have been at three past interviews, and you always ask the SAME QUESTION!! I refuse to answer this time."

PA #2:

"You have GOT to be kidding! Oh, this is rich! You think Hermione is based on me! Do I look like a bushy haired, bucktoothed, know-it-all, tattletale!? Actually, truth be told, I put a little of myself into Draco."

Interviewer: Which character is most like yourself?

PA #1:

*Takes deep, calming breath" "OK, now, you heard my answer before, right? Where I said Hermione is BASED on me? You should be able to figure out then, that HERMIONE is most like me!"

PA #2:

"Voldermort all the way! That whole evil thing is based on me...."

PA #3:

"I-I-I imagine my-my-self as a mix of Pr-Pr-Professors Quirrel and Moody. P-P-Paranoid and overpro-protective. C-c-constant Vigilance!"

PA #4:

"Dumbledore, because, as you can see, I too enjoy nonsense answers!"

Interviewer: Is it true there will only be seven books? And that the last word of the last book is 'scar'?

PA #1:

"Just between you and me, I figured I'd SAY there were only going to be seven books, so there'd be a HUGE rush to be Number 7, but then I'd come out with Number 8, which people would again flock to, only increasing my insane wealth."

PA #2:

"Yes, seven books, but it's more like six and a half. I've already gotten bored of the series. I've written all I can stand of the last book, and it really doesn't come to a conclusion, just kinda leaves you hanging mid-sentence. But yes, the last COMPLETE word in the book is 'scar.'

PA #3:

"Yes. But if I tell you anymore, I'd have to kill you."

Interviewer: Where did you get your inspiration for this series?

PA #1:

"Well it all started a bunch of years ago. I picked up a copy of some book, and they used words like "Muggle" and the characters were named "Potter" and I thought...'Hey! If I used those words, it'd be a hit!'"

PA #2:

"Well, there was this little insane boy down the block from me named Harold Motter. He used to pretend he was a wizard, you know, making "potions" and pointing his "wand" at people. And I figured, hey, I can work with that idea!"

The End

A/N: Okay, probably my worst, and definetly my shortest, but was it funny? I just wanted to post something to let my loyal fans(how many of you are there? Two maybe?) know that I am writing, just haven't gotten around to a new chapter of Wishes and Dreams or OLT.


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